Well, I was hoping for a solution that didn't involve smothering the food items in some kind of sauce, but...

[She reached down into the funnel and pulled out one for herself, sweeping up a scant amount of the mayonnaise onto the potato wedge and tossing it into her mouth for a contemplative chew.

A bit weak, a bit bland, but offset nicely by an elegantly-crisped texture. And, of course, that little touch of condiment did help buff out the proverbial scratches. She actually cracked a bit of a smile.]

...It's better than nothing. Know any dishes you feel like trying?